Speed II: Ruse Control

A South-Korean U.N. nuclear inspector was killed in a car accident in the central Markazi province of Iran on Tuesday.  That's according to the Iranian state-run media.  Apparently the car "turned over," killing the South Korean and Slovenian nuclear inspectors.

Isn't it just horrible when cars randomly turn over killing the representatives of the allies of your greatest enemy?  And it's just tragic when they represent a threat to your national secrecy ...er... that is.. security.

Come on, Iran!  If you're gonna lie to our faces, at least come up with something halfway plausible!  If the US is your mortal enemy, at least show some respect by coming up with a halfway decent cover story for your assassination of UN weapons inspectors!  Or did you want us to know?  Is that your plan?  You crafty devils, you!

If you think that you can inflame us and we won't do anything... well...you're probably right.  Dammit.  Cuz it's election season and no way Obama runs on a "Yes We Can Bomb Iran" slogan.

Source: http://edition.cnn.com/2012/05/08/world/meast/iran-nuclear-death/index.html?hpt=wo_bn11

View From Under A Rock

When you are working really hard in order to make something of yourself in the world, you are far too busy to have any idea what's going on in the world.  I've been working my tail off lately and I have to say... I pretty much know that Romney is the presumptive Republican nominee and that we haven't officially started any new wars in the last week or two. We haven't blown any countries off of the map.

Oh, North Korea's Lil' Kim III managed to make a fool of himself with a faulty rocket launch.  It's ok champ, it happens to everyone sometimes.  Maybe you were too stressed about it, or you had been drinking.  Either way, if your rocket stays up for  more than four hours, make sure to call your doctor.

Ridiculous News: Infuriating Edition

Just in case you didn't have enough reasons to hate Chris Brown, here's another one just to make sure.  He's breeding pit bulls!  Don't get me wrong, I loves me some pit bulls.  I love their big ol' square heads and silly grins and wiggly butts.  That being said - THERE ARE TOO MANY PIT BULLS.  They are some of the most awesome dogs ever but so many of them don't have a home! If you want a pit bull, adopt one.  There's a pittie out there somewhere that desperately wants to come home with you.

To make things worse, pitts aren't a part of the AKC. I'm fine with that.  I think that the AKC is to the dog world what the royals are to the human world - an association of inbred freaks.  That being said, pitt breeders are going for performance.  What kind of performance, you might ask?  Well, with border collies, they're looking for herding skillz.  With pitts, it's all too often looking for "well-built" and "game" dogs with "good lines."  Read between the coy lingo, folks.  They breed them for fighting.  And Chris Brown, unable to sink to a new low, has reinforced his position at the bottom.

Want to make a difference?  Don't shop, adopt!

Source:  http://www.ilovedogs.com/2012/04/chris-brown-pit-bull-breeder/

Modern Eugenics

I see proponents of racial purity every day.  Examining eyes,  height, coloring, posture, head shape, even tongue color!  These sickos support enclaves of racial purity that operate for profit, perpetuating the lie that there is an ideal type that comes from proper lineage.  On national television I see the perverted displays of inbreeding to create the perfect specimen.  I say unto you that this is an outrage!

Look at the royals, people!  Health comes from natural reproduction, not reproduction amongst similar types with the hopes of creating perfected offspring!  Eugenics is a sick pseudo-science that ignores the need for genetic diversity.  It should be illegal, I say.  Illegal!  Particularly given the number of homeless mixed-race orphans wandering the streets, craving love and a home.

Caught on yet?  Dog-breeding is wrong.  WRONG!  I don't give a rat's ass about the predictability of the so-called "pure-breed." For some reason, the ideas that we have dismissed the whole idea of a closed genetic pool as evil (think Nazis), somewhat stupid (royals), or straight-up perverted (Arkansas).  Some of our most impressive athletes (Tiger Woods), politicians (Obama), musicians (Lenny Kravitz), and even bloggers (yours truly) come from some extremely mixed stock.  What does that make us?  Genetically diverse! Healthy! Attractive! (American!)

My own darling dawg gets compliments every day.  Every. Single. Day.  I shit you not.  People roll down their windows at stoplights to compliment him.  They pull over to the side of the road.  They turn around and run to catch up with us.  "Oh my God, your dog is so beautiful.  What breed is it?"  Sorry folks.  He's a bit of this and a bit of that.  Snips and snails and puppy dog tails, that's what my little boy is made of.

Dog shows are sick, a parade of genetically "pure" freaks with over-exaggerated features and a short lifespan.  Ye Olde Dogge Pound is full of healthy, robust dogs that desperately need a forever home.  Why, oh why, would you go to a "breeder" when there are dogs out there that need you?

Don't shop.  Adopt.

Bill O'Reilly: A Few Millennia Behind The Times

Oh Bill O'Reilly, you so old fashioned!  Mr. O'Reilly is worried that Glee, the popular musical teen dramedy that every single one of my gay friends adores, might encourage young people to experiment with homosexuality.  After all, watching James Dean smoke made him want to smoke! It just looked so cool!

Two things.  Well, three.
1. Smoking is cool.  It's super bad for your health, but it's cool.  It is not analogous to homosexuality, except that it looks pretty sexy with sexy people and pretty disgusting with unattractive people.
2. Young people have been experimenting with homosexuality since the dawn of PEOPLE.  Exploring your sexuality is a natural and normal part of puberty.  Deal with it.
3. If young men are watching Glee, odds are pretty good that they are gay.  Glee didn't make them that way, it might just help them embrace it and even empower them.

Watching Glee "makes" young people gay no more than watching Some Like It Hot turned men into cross-dressers.  Unless, of course, it had than pernicious influence on Bill O'Reilly...?  Come on Bill, are you that easily influenced?  The folks want to know.


Source:  http://www.opposingviews.com/i/entertainment/video-bill-oreilly-worries-glee-may-turn-children-gay?utm_source=OV+Newsletter+List+2&utm_campaign=41ada80d02-OV_Newsletter_April_204_20_2012&utm_medium=email

Ridiculous News of the Day: Revolution in the People's Republic of Boulder

The University of Colorado in Boulder is planning on shutting down campus tomorrow (Friday, 4/20) to all but students carrying their IDs in order to halt the long running marijuana legalization protest.
Three things, CU:
First, it's a long running tradition for the campus to be full of pot-smokers on 4/20.  People come from all over the front range for it.  Colleges love tradition!
Second, you are in BOULDER.  Home of hippies both legit and trust funded, land of the free and the home of the laid back.  Chill out, dudes.
Third, the protesters are STONERS.  Stoners are chill people.  What the hell do you think is going to happen?  Stoned people don't get violent, that's drunk people.  Remember all of the alcohol-related drama that you've been facing the last few years?  If I were you, I'd embrace the easy-going stoner protesters and tell the drunken frat boys and football players to take a drag.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/04/19/attorney-warns-of-violence-if-university-snuffs-out-colorado-420-protest/#.T5BnzEuI7uY.reddit

*#&%^%()@: Or, On Obscenity

I have some big issues with obscenity.  Why?  Because sex is a natural and healthy thing.  People have been fucking and sucking and so on and so forth in happy, loving, healthy relationships since the beginning of humanity.  Your parents fucked, your grandparents fucked, and even if you believe in the virgin birth of Jesus, his grandparents totally got it on.  If you want to argue semantics, you can say that they made love.  Fucking is a crude term for the same general act.  There are nuances, but generally speaking it's referring to the act of coitus.  Most words that are considered "profane" are referring either to sexual acts or the sex organs.

some examples

suck

dick

cunt

ass

balls

cocksucker

motherfucker

tits

bollocks

clusterfuck (one of my personal favorites)

douchebag (female hygiene product)

jagoff

jerk (come on, what do you think it means?  And this one isn't even profane!)

minge (british term - female genitalia)

nuts (we don't think of it as dirty any more, but...)

pussy

peckerwood

prick

schmuck (I love Yiddish)

twat (also twatwaffle, the favorite of one of my best friends)

wanker (british)

So the epithets that we hurl at one another, even in jest, are foul because they have to do with sex.  Sex, which is a natural, healthy, and positive part of life.  None of us would be here without it (except for Jesus, of course). So why is it foul?

Let's look at another category: scatological profanity.  As the children's author wisely acknowledged, everybody poops.  Like sex, it's a natural and healthy, if kinda gross, part of life.  And yet!

Scatological swearwords

shit

crap

poop

asshole

ass-hat (another favorite)

pissed/pissed off

pisser

shithead

shit-for-brains

horse-shit (horses poop too!)

Another natural, healthy part of life tossed around like it's something profane.  If we all do it, every day, for our entire lives, how can it be profane?  The taboos surrounding these words run deep.  If you really want to get the Supreme Court up in arms, start arguing about obscenity with them.  So-called "foul" language like the terms listed above are working their way slowly into television, but not without moral condemnation from mothers everywhere.

This brings us to nudity.  The big one, if you will.  One glimpse of a middle-aged actors hindquarters or, heaven help us, a hint of nipple, and the FCC goes nuts.  Mandatory delays for censorship purposes are enacted because what if an innocent child saw a nipple!

Actually, yeah.  What IF that happened?  Most of these children spent a lot of time attached to them as babies.  They got all of their nourishment from them.  So what's so foul?  And as far as butts go... well, come on.  We all have one!  Everyone is so worried about exposing children to sexuality at a young age.  I get the concern.  It makes me sad to see 8 year olds wearing the same wardrobe as a middle-aged hooker, too.  But that doesn't come from the exposure to sexuality as much as from the glamourization of sexuality.

These young girls don't want to have sex, they want to be sexy.  Television, music, and movies feature mostly scantily clad women with perfect bodies. Women are demeaned as sex objects rather than equals to men.  We're sending children messages that women are only sex-objects (even the kick-ass ones are crazy hot), so what do you expect?  Is it the T&A?  Or is it the overt demeaning of women?  Because let's be honest.  If the kiddos don't have those body parts, they have accidentally and somewhat scarringly seen them on family members by barging in places without knocking.  It's embarrassing for everybody, but it doesn't "subvert the mind" of the kid.  If anything, it makes them doubly sure that the opposite sex has cooties.

What is foul, you may ask?  Am I one of them crazy liberals that thinks that nothing is obscene in the name of the First Amendment?  No.  Not at all.  Violence is obscene.  I've seen more dead bodies than I could ever hope to count because I really like crime dramas.  A body destroyed by violence is totally fine on prime time.  You can see scads of people get shot, something that most parents never want their children to see or experience in real life.  You see torture.  You see beating.

Almost 100% of adults have sex at some point, if not frequently.  Your parents.  Your neighbors.  The Weatherman.  The hosts of morning shows.  They're all doing it.  Everybody poops.  You don't even need to be a grownup for that one, not by even the most conservative standards.  But a bloody death?  Shooting? Domestic abuse?  These things happen.  They're a horrible and unfortunate part of the real world.  We all would hope that children would never see or experience these things.

But here is my big question: Is violence obscene?  I think that it ought to be.  I think it's disgraceful that "fuck" is about the worst thing a kid can say.  We use the words "kill" to describe finishing a box of cereal or eating the last of the mashed potatoes.  If something was a "kick," it was a good time.  A great headline is "punchy."   An attempt at something is a "shot," or perhaps you take a "stab" at it.  When you drop your phone in the water, it "dies."

I'm not saying that we should stop using those words.  I'm saying that, as a society, we need to start treating things that are a normal and healthy part of life as obscenity.

Have at thee, Justice Scalia!



Source:  http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/46943248/ns/technology_and_science-tech_and_gadgets/#.T3uALqs7VYs