Speed II: Ruse Control

A South-Korean U.N. nuclear inspector was killed in a car accident in the central Markazi province of Iran on Tuesday.  That's according to the Iranian state-run media.  Apparently the car "turned over," killing the South Korean and Slovenian nuclear inspectors.

Isn't it just horrible when cars randomly turn over killing the representatives of the allies of your greatest enemy?  And it's just tragic when they represent a threat to your national secrecy ...er... that is.. security.

Come on, Iran!  If you're gonna lie to our faces, at least come up with something halfway plausible!  If the US is your mortal enemy, at least show some respect by coming up with a halfway decent cover story for your assassination of UN weapons inspectors!  Or did you want us to know?  Is that your plan?  You crafty devils, you!

If you think that you can inflame us and we won't do anything... well...you're probably right.  Dammit.  Cuz it's election season and no way Obama runs on a "Yes We Can Bomb Iran" slogan.

Source: http://edition.cnn.com/2012/05/08/world/meast/iran-nuclear-death/index.html?hpt=wo_bn11

View From Under A Rock

When you are working really hard in order to make something of yourself in the world, you are far too busy to have any idea what's going on in the world.  I've been working my tail off lately and I have to say... I pretty much know that Romney is the presumptive Republican nominee and that we haven't officially started any new wars in the last week or two. We haven't blown any countries off of the map.

Oh, North Korea's Lil' Kim III managed to make a fool of himself with a faulty rocket launch.  It's ok champ, it happens to everyone sometimes.  Maybe you were too stressed about it, or you had been drinking.  Either way, if your rocket stays up for  more than four hours, make sure to call your doctor.

Overly Decisive 2012: Cruise to the Kremlin

Vladimir Putin has won the presidential election in Russia in a landslide victory and, when I say landslide, I mean more of an avalanche of epic proportions.  With some precincts reporting in at 107% for Putin, there have been rumors of foul play and voter fraud. Rumor of foul play and voter fraud have been declared a treasonous act by president-elect Putin, as part of his newly drafted Patriot Act.

Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/06/world/europe/fraudulent-votes-for-putin-abound-in-chechnya.html?_r=1

Madagascar 3: Escape from Tokyo

In what could be described as the plot of several dozen children's movies, a penguin has escaped from a Tokyo aquarium and is loose in the city.  One can only imagine that the penguin has befriended several local street animals and perhaps a homeless orphan or two and, while overcoming great obstacles, is learning a valuable lesson about the nature of life and friendship.  Eddie Murphy has been rumored to voice the character of the penguin, with additional characters voiced by Wanda Sykes, Steve Carell and, of course, Mark Hamill.



Source: http://www.japantimes.co.jp/text/nn20120305x3.html

Arachnophobia Australis: Why I'll Never Go to Australia

New South Wales, the Australian state that is home to the capital city of Sydney (and, of course, 42 Wallaby Way), has been afflicted with severe flooding, causing the evacuation of thousands of residents and the explosion of Australia's scariest population - huge fucking spiders.

Huge Fucking Spiders

The spiders are Orb spiders, which are not aggressive and have only a mild venom.  Do I care?  NO.  I am NEVER going to Australia.  Call it prejudice, but the explosion of the spider population is something that I can describe only as absolutely terrifying. Spiders are everything that is terrifying - they're fast, they move weird, they can bite, some of them are dangerous beyond reason (I'm looking at you, brown recluse spiders!), and they weave sticky death traps.

If you'll excuse me, I think I saw a spider and I have to scream now.


Source: http://www.theage.com.au/environment/weather/spiders-spin-their-webs-in-the-wagga-wet-as-population-explodes-20120307-1ujov.html

European Vacation!

Switzerland is set to vote on whether to increase the annual vacation benefit to six weeks of paid vacation.  Switzerland has been largely sheltered from the European economic decline because they have declined to adopt the Euro currency and because of the strength of their own industries (swiss bank accounts!).  If you were wondering, the home of beautiful mountains, amazing chocolate, a border with Italy and mediterranean paradise but without all of the corruption...Switzerland just officially made itself the most awesome country ever.

http://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/specials/march_11_vote/Benefits_of_extra_holiday_debated_ahead_of_vote_.html?cid=31976010