This post was typed a few days ago when I was suffering a nasty bout of food poisoning.
The porcelain god is a jealous god. without tribute he gets mad. since i've started reforming my ways a bit there have been fewer sacrificial tributes of alcohol and stomach acid.
the porcelain god is a merciful god. when your brow is sweaty, he is cool. when you are weak, he is there for support. his realm is the realm of cool tile and hard, smooth surfaces. like a hospital, it is a place of healing and, with sacrifice and steadfastness, where life begins again.
Do not deprive the porcelain god of tribute or the sacrifice will be taken by force. also - don't ever get the bacon from waffle house.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Today in Ridiculous News: Ninjas
A medical marijuana delivery man was attacked by two men dressed as ninjas. How do pot-smoking ninjas move so fast?
Source: http://www.mercurynews.com/news/ci_20257164/medical-marijuana-delivery-man-attacked-by-ninjas
Source: http://www.mercurynews.com/news/ci_20257164/medical-marijuana-delivery-man-attacked-by-ninjas
Thursday, March 22, 2012
As Coulter As Ice
In shocking news, Ann Coulter is a bad person. Surprise! Apparently ignoring the golden rule and the maxim that two wrongs don't make a right, Coulter is now advocating that right-wing pundits begin to attack the two young Obama girls.
In response to offensive jokes by David Letterman about one of Sarah Palin's young children, there was a media uproar and Letterman had to eat crow and apologize on air. Bill Maher has recently made disparaging comments concerning the 2012 Republican Candidates. Coulter had this to say to Sean Hannity on March 21st:
“I just say that going after the children generally ought to be off limits. It has not been off limits for Republicans, though, conservatives have taken the Obama children off limits.” She added, “so maybe it’s time to start imitating liberals in another way and go after the Obama children. By the way, that has been done grotesquely and viscously over the years by the left.”
True? To an extent. And for heaven's sake, it's despicable. It should not be done. Children are innocent victims of their parents' choice to enter politics. Children should be off limits, Coulter is right about that, but the way to make your point is not to attack the children of your opponents. This isn't just an ethical thing about the proper way to conduct a disagreement, there are real victims here and they are CHILDREN. They may suffer severe psychological harm from public scrutiny, harassment, and embarrassment. Growing up is hard enough to do without some idiot on television making jokes about you in front of the whole nation.
Here's what Coulter is wrong about, though. The right doesn't consider children off limits! Rush Limbaugh, honorary member of Congress and Republican stalwart, attacked Chelsea Clinton in 1993. She was thirteen! That's the time in a young girl's life when self-confidence is precarious at best and all of the awkward developments that nature throws at you are in an bizarre state of mid-development. That's also the time when Rush Limbaugh said the following:
“Socks is the White House cat, but did you know there is also a White House dog?”
He then held up a picture of Chelsea Clinton.
Ok, so nobody is considering Rush Limbaugh "fair and balanced." Same thing for Bill Maher. They are entertainers who use the somewhat different and harsher language of satire. That doesn't mean that they can't overstep their bounds, and attacking children is a flying leap over the line of appropriate.
Ann Coulter, however, tries to represent herself as an intelligent voice in political discourse. For her to advocate reprisal for the rather disgusting jokes concerning the children of certain Republican politicians by attacking the children of Democratic politicians lowers her to the level of Letterman, Maher, and Limbaugh. It makes her and incendiary and rather idiotic entertainer who ought not to be taken seriously, as well as one with questionable morality.
Oops, was this not funny? Oh yeah, that's because attacking and humiliating children and masquerading it as entertainment isn't funny.
In response to offensive jokes by David Letterman about one of Sarah Palin's young children, there was a media uproar and Letterman had to eat crow and apologize on air. Bill Maher has recently made disparaging comments concerning the 2012 Republican Candidates. Coulter had this to say to Sean Hannity on March 21st:
“I just say that going after the children generally ought to be off limits. It has not been off limits for Republicans, though, conservatives have taken the Obama children off limits.” She added, “so maybe it’s time to start imitating liberals in another way and go after the Obama children. By the way, that has been done grotesquely and viscously over the years by the left.”
True? To an extent. And for heaven's sake, it's despicable. It should not be done. Children are innocent victims of their parents' choice to enter politics. Children should be off limits, Coulter is right about that, but the way to make your point is not to attack the children of your opponents. This isn't just an ethical thing about the proper way to conduct a disagreement, there are real victims here and they are CHILDREN. They may suffer severe psychological harm from public scrutiny, harassment, and embarrassment. Growing up is hard enough to do without some idiot on television making jokes about you in front of the whole nation.
Here's what Coulter is wrong about, though. The right doesn't consider children off limits! Rush Limbaugh, honorary member of Congress and Republican stalwart, attacked Chelsea Clinton in 1993. She was thirteen! That's the time in a young girl's life when self-confidence is precarious at best and all of the awkward developments that nature throws at you are in an bizarre state of mid-development. That's also the time when Rush Limbaugh said the following:
“Socks is the White House cat, but did you know there is also a White House dog?”
He then held up a picture of Chelsea Clinton.
Ok, so nobody is considering Rush Limbaugh "fair and balanced." Same thing for Bill Maher. They are entertainers who use the somewhat different and harsher language of satire. That doesn't mean that they can't overstep their bounds, and attacking children is a flying leap over the line of appropriate.
Ann Coulter, however, tries to represent herself as an intelligent voice in political discourse. For her to advocate reprisal for the rather disgusting jokes concerning the children of certain Republican politicians by attacking the children of Democratic politicians lowers her to the level of Letterman, Maher, and Limbaugh. It makes her and incendiary and rather idiotic entertainer who ought not to be taken seriously, as well as one with questionable morality.
Oops, was this not funny? Oh yeah, that's because attacking and humiliating children and masquerading it as entertainment isn't funny.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Anatomy of a Sweetener: Sugar Sues Corn Syrup
Butter or Margarine; Ice Cream or FroYo; Drip Coffee or French Press; Meat or Tofu, the list goes on. Although the answers to these questions may be perfectly clear to some of us (butter, ice cream, french press, and tofu, obviously), food feuds are as old as the Hatfields and McCoys or the Montagues and Capulets. But the Sugar vs. Corn Syrup battle has now gone further than any other rivalry and taken their battle to the courts. Yes, Sugar is suing Corn Syrup in the food battle to end all food battles.
Sugar is being represented by the renowned lawyer Spice, a long time associate of Sugar. Corn Syrup, in a bold move, is being represented by Twinky in what is thought to be a political statement about Synthetic Solidarity. Jury selection is expected to take several days or even a week, as studies show that either Sugar or Corn Syrup is heavily involved in most members of the food community. Sugar, of course, has a longer and more extensive history in the community, but many will remember the aristocratic lineage of Sugar, once a member of the exclusive Delicacy Club.
Justice Burger is presiding over the forthcoming trial. Although he has no connection to the Sweetener community, some see this as evidence of his objectivity. Although there are rumors that Burger may be a member of the Synthetic community, these have not been substantiated.
Source: http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-sweetener-suit-20120307,0,7189463.story
Monday, March 19, 2012
Our Earth, Which Art on Earth, Green Be Thy Name
Rick Santorum, champion of all things Christian (except for tolerance, forgiveness, loving thy fellow man, and a litany of other things commanded in the Bible), has called global warming a pseudo-religion!
Shit, he's figured us out. Our secret cult with hidden rituals of recycling and planting vegetable gardens has been found out! Quick, everybody hide your recycle bins or at least cover the Symbol of the Holy Tri-Arrow. Maybe if you hang trucknuts on the Prius, they won't know that it's a hybrid. Oh, and dear God of all that is environmentally friendly, don't use re-usable shopping totes! Maybe if we just keep re-using the crappy plastic bags, they won't notice what we're doing.
Wait! Hold on, if it's a pseudo-religion, don't we have rights? If we worship at the farmer's markets on Saturdays, shouldn't those be tax exempt or something? We do our recycling on Wednesdays around here, so if that's our holy day, I don't want to go to work. If you, Rick Santorum, get to imply that we should all follow YOUR religious views, why aren't we allowed to imply the same? This country was not founded on Catholicism any more than it was founded on our most holy of churches, the Order of People Who Don't Want To Fuck Up The Earth.
Thankfully, global warming is not a church, nor is it an ideology. It is something that an overwhelming majority of scientists, including those who work for oil companies, agree as a scientific finding supported by significant evidence.
And another thing, oh lord of the sweater vests; If you're trying to insult something by calling it a religion, you're sort of undermining your entire platform. Just sayin'.
Sources: http://www.redstate.com/rjsantorum/2012/03/10/blown-and-tossed-by-the-winds-of-political-correctness/; http://www.prisonplanet.com/oil-companies-support-global-warming-alarmists-not-skeptics.html; http://motherjones.com/blue-marble/2012/03/santorum-my-opponents-believe-pseudo-religion-global-warming
Shit, he's figured us out. Our secret cult with hidden rituals of recycling and planting vegetable gardens has been found out! Quick, everybody hide your recycle bins or at least cover the Symbol of the Holy Tri-Arrow. Maybe if you hang trucknuts on the Prius, they won't know that it's a hybrid. Oh, and dear God of all that is environmentally friendly, don't use re-usable shopping totes! Maybe if we just keep re-using the crappy plastic bags, they won't notice what we're doing.
Wait! Hold on, if it's a pseudo-religion, don't we have rights? If we worship at the farmer's markets on Saturdays, shouldn't those be tax exempt or something? We do our recycling on Wednesdays around here, so if that's our holy day, I don't want to go to work. If you, Rick Santorum, get to imply that we should all follow YOUR religious views, why aren't we allowed to imply the same? This country was not founded on Catholicism any more than it was founded on our most holy of churches, the Order of People Who Don't Want To Fuck Up The Earth.
Thankfully, global warming is not a church, nor is it an ideology. It is something that an overwhelming majority of scientists, including those who work for oil companies, agree as a scientific finding supported by significant evidence.
And another thing, oh lord of the sweater vests; If you're trying to insult something by calling it a religion, you're sort of undermining your entire platform. Just sayin'.
Sources: http://www.redstate.com/rjsantorum/2012/03/10/blown-and-tossed-by-the-winds-of-political-correctness/; http://www.prisonplanet.com/oil-companies-support-global-warming-alarmists-not-skeptics.html; http://motherjones.com/blue-marble/2012/03/santorum-my-opponents-believe-pseudo-religion-global-warming
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Behind Agricultural Lines
It seems these days that you can't go online or turn on the news without seeing another example of how the corporatization of agriculture has resulted in new lows of animal cruelty on a mass scale. Iowa has responded, not with animal rights reform or explanations that shed a different light on photos and film footage taken covertly by animal rights activists but rather with the so called "Ag-Gag law." This law criminalizes misrepresenting one's self in order to gain access to farms for the purposes of exposing their practices.
I grew up in farm country. Most farmers are honest, decent, hardworking folks who treat their animals with dignity and decency and do what they can to avoid imposing undue discomfort. These are not the people that animal rights activists are exposing and they are not, I repeat, NOT the people that this bill is protecting. The exposed practices of undue cruelty come from industrial scale farming and ranching practices that are reminiscent of the industrial age in America. The practices are shocking and cruel and would probably make most self-employed farmers and ranchers gag. This is Iowa protecting big business, not local farmers.
What's next? Creating walled-off ghettos behind which the unspeakable practices can continue to stock our supermarket shelves with unprecedented quantities of meat, eggs, and milk? In an age where "organic," "free range," and "cruelty free" have become indicators of quality (regardless of the fact that there is no standard required for those labels), this is an unwise move. This is the information age, Iowa! Even in Iowa, there are very few secrets in regard to real concrete practices - creative accounting and market speculation may yet flourish in this country, but the actual horrifying practices that are currently practiced and those that would no doubt develop without media scrutiny will get out. It's a corporate farm, Iowa, not a military base. Clean up or clean out.
Source: http://www.npr.org/2012/03/10/148363509/ag-gag-law-blows-animal-activists-cover
I grew up in farm country. Most farmers are honest, decent, hardworking folks who treat their animals with dignity and decency and do what they can to avoid imposing undue discomfort. These are not the people that animal rights activists are exposing and they are not, I repeat, NOT the people that this bill is protecting. The exposed practices of undue cruelty come from industrial scale farming and ranching practices that are reminiscent of the industrial age in America. The practices are shocking and cruel and would probably make most self-employed farmers and ranchers gag. This is Iowa protecting big business, not local farmers.
What's next? Creating walled-off ghettos behind which the unspeakable practices can continue to stock our supermarket shelves with unprecedented quantities of meat, eggs, and milk? In an age where "organic," "free range," and "cruelty free" have become indicators of quality (regardless of the fact that there is no standard required for those labels), this is an unwise move. This is the information age, Iowa! Even in Iowa, there are very few secrets in regard to real concrete practices - creative accounting and market speculation may yet flourish in this country, but the actual horrifying practices that are currently practiced and those that would no doubt develop without media scrutiny will get out. It's a corporate farm, Iowa, not a military base. Clean up or clean out.
Source: http://www.npr.org/2012/03/10/148363509/ag-gag-law-blows-animal-activists-cover
The Sarkozy Line - Maginot Redux
French President Nicolas Sarkozy must not study history, because he's about to repeat it. Sarkozy is threatening to close the French borders to stem the tide of illegal immigration. As if the European Union didn't resent France already, the destruction of the Schengen Agreement is really gonna piss them off. The Schengen Agreement which allows for passport free movement amongst all "Schengen Zone" countries, allows for easier intra-Europe transit to facilitate international business and exchange.
The last time that France tried to close off its borders was during the First World War with a series of fixed and armed fortresses designed to stave of incoming Germans. What did the Germans do? They went around in the damned thing in what has become one of history's least effective strategies.
The whole damned point of the Schengen Agreement is to facilitate business. If other European countries can't easily do business with France, they'll just go around and trade with the rest of Europe.
Source: http://www.aljazeera.com/news/europe/2012/03/201231118344797284.html
The last time that France tried to close off its borders was during the First World War with a series of fixed and armed fortresses designed to stave of incoming Germans. What did the Germans do? They went around in the damned thing in what has become one of history's least effective strategies.
The whole damned point of the Schengen Agreement is to facilitate business. If other European countries can't easily do business with France, they'll just go around and trade with the rest of Europe.
Source: http://www.aljazeera.com/news/europe/2012/03/201231118344797284.html
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Overly Decisive 2012: Cruise to the Kremlin
Vladimir Putin has won the presidential election in Russia in a landslide victory and, when I say landslide, I mean more of an avalanche of epic proportions. With some precincts reporting in at 107% for Putin, there have been rumors of foul play and voter fraud. Rumor of foul play and voter fraud have been declared a treasonous act by president-elect Putin, as part of his newly drafted Patriot Act.
Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/06/world/europe/fraudulent-votes-for-putin-abound-in-chechnya.html?_r=1
Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/06/world/europe/fraudulent-votes-for-putin-abound-in-chechnya.html?_r=1
Madagascar 3: Escape from Tokyo
In what could be described as the plot of several dozen children's movies, a penguin has escaped from a Tokyo aquarium and is loose in the city. One can only imagine that the penguin has befriended several local street animals and perhaps a homeless orphan or two and, while overcoming great obstacles, is learning a valuable lesson about the nature of life and friendship. Eddie Murphy has been rumored to voice the character of the penguin, with additional characters voiced by Wanda Sykes, Steve Carell and, of course, Mark Hamill.
Source: http://www.japantimes.co.jp/text/nn20120305x3.html
Source: http://www.japantimes.co.jp/text/nn20120305x3.html
Arachnophobia Australis: Why I'll Never Go to Australia
New South Wales, the Australian state that is home to the capital city of Sydney (and, of course, 42 Wallaby Way), has been afflicted with severe flooding, causing the evacuation of thousands of residents and the explosion of Australia's scariest population - huge fucking spiders.
The spiders are Orb spiders, which are not aggressive and have only a mild venom. Do I care? NO. I am NEVER going to Australia. Call it prejudice, but the explosion of the spider population is something that I can describe only as absolutely terrifying. Spiders are everything that is terrifying - they're fast, they move weird, they can bite, some of them are dangerous beyond reason (I'm looking at you, brown recluse spiders!), and they weave sticky death traps.
If you'll excuse me, I think I saw a spider and I have to scream now.
Source: http://www.theage.com.au/environment/weather/spiders-spin-their-webs-in-the-wagga-wet-as-population-explodes-20120307-1ujov.html
 |
| Huge Fucking Spiders |
The spiders are Orb spiders, which are not aggressive and have only a mild venom. Do I care? NO. I am NEVER going to Australia. Call it prejudice, but the explosion of the spider population is something that I can describe only as absolutely terrifying. Spiders are everything that is terrifying - they're fast, they move weird, they can bite, some of them are dangerous beyond reason (I'm looking at you, brown recluse spiders!), and they weave sticky death traps.
If you'll excuse me, I think I saw a spider and I have to scream now.
Source: http://www.theage.com.au/environment/weather/spiders-spin-their-webs-in-the-wagga-wet-as-population-explodes-20120307-1ujov.html
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Just a Thought
If corporations are people, why can they be owned? And if corporations are people, then why don't people have the same rights as corporations? You know, the tax breaks and so on. And if corporations are people, why is corporate criminal liability such a pain in the ass to figure out since you can't sentence corporations to jail time and it's really a conglomerate so punishing the right person or, as it may be, group of people, is a difficult decision to make that is often somewhat arbitrary and you definitely can't throw a corporation in jail or execute it, at least not in any meaningful sense...
Oh right, that's because CORPORATIONS AREN'T PEOPLE. People are people. Once we give equal rights to all of our citizens, then we can start meting out rights to other entities. Until then, let's focus on our own citizens, shall we???
Oh right, that's because CORPORATIONS AREN'T PEOPLE. People are people. Once we give equal rights to all of our citizens, then we can start meting out rights to other entities. Until then, let's focus on our own citizens, shall we???
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